Some lightbulb jokes iii

How many lightbulb jokes does it take to screw in a light bulb.

x, one to screw it in, and x-1 to behave in a stereotypical way associated with lightbulb jokes towards the light bulb.

How many people who don't understand roman numerals does it take to screw in a lightbulb.

xxl, iiii to screw it in and 2x+vi to turn the ladder around.

How many video game characters does it take to screw in a light bulb.

It doesn't matter, if you die you can just start over.

How many die hard nerds does it take to screw in a lightbulb.

3.1415926535897932384626433832795

This joke isn't actually very funny but everyone else is pretending they like it so you should to.

Do you know who the Black Eyed Peas are.
I'm on a first name basis with all of them.
Do you know who the Black Eyed Peas are.
I'm on a first name basis with all of them.
Do you know who the Black Eyed Peas are.
I'm on a first name basis with all of them.
Do you know who the Black Eyed Peas are.
I'm on a first name basis with all of them.

Scarlet Letter Panel

Host: Welcome to our Scarlet Letter discussion, today we will be talking with President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, CBGU agent JB, and the wizard Hypertext Protocol.

Host: What should happen to Hester Prynne.

JB: After everything that's happened today I think we should give her immunity.

Host: What do you think about Hester Prynne:

Joe Biden: We've got the first mainstream sinner who is articulate, bright, and clean, and nice looking, that's storybook man.

Hypertext Protocol: She was in a dream I had last night.

Host: How do you think Hester is doing.

Obama: The past eight years have put a lot of strain on Hester and it's far from over but I think she's doing better thanks to my administration.

JB: My opinion is.

Host: Federal agent Bauer you are speaking out of turn.

JB: DARN IT!!!

Host: What do you think the forest symbolizes.

Hypertext Protocol: No clue, where's Hermeeon.

Host: Are you the father of Pearl

Biden: No, let me say that again, no.

What do you think about Pearl's relation with Hester.

JB: PEARL WAS ON THAT TARGETED BUS AND I SAVED HER!

Obama: I think Hester needs to put away the video games, turn of the television until Pearl's homework is done.

Host: Are you angry with Hester

Obama: I don't know, what is anger.

Host: Any last comments or opinions on Hester or Pearl.

Obama: She can not afford to return to policies of the last eight years.

Biden: If I were her I wouldn't go anywhere, now let me tell you about scranton. (this segment was deleted from the transcript)

Hypertext Protocol: Ah, my scar is hurting.

JB: There is something very important that I need to say, and it's that-

Host: JB, Mr. JB, we seem to have lost contact with Mr. JB but we're out of time. Please join us next time when we talk about The Crucible, a book very similar to this one.

Top 5 things I would buy from a door to door salesman

Top 5 things I would buy from a door to door salesman. (things I lost or haven't gotten around to buying yet.)

5. Something to get rid of the rainbow wheel

4. A Tree cutting service (so I never have to rake again!)

3. Backup dvds (for a a all offf the scra tched up ones)

2. A tivo remote

And finally, the #1 thing is

A no soliciting sign.

Ok, fine then, have it your way-

Mr./Mrs./Ms. Politically correct.

People that should argue together

Joe Biden vs. Dan Quayle

Rush Limbaugh vs. Michael Moore

Kelly Clarkson vs. Carrie Underwood (over which one the show likes more)

The Read family(Arthur) vs. the Simpson's

Heavenly humor

Why didn't you come to my funeral? I came to yours.

Financial lecture ii

More Finance Jokes, not based on a true story. (but then again most of this blog is based on the truth)

A man is giving a finance lecture, he says, "what kinds of monthly expenses are there."

The first person says, "house payments."

The second person says, "cars payment."

The government says, "bailouts"

A dog owner says, "unbreakable chew toys."

An English teacher says, "irony."

Barley half of the Obama cabinet says, "taxes."

John McCain says, "I'll have to get back to you on that."

An annoyed parent says, "100s of stpd txtmsgs, its not a lol matter, other then that. nothing really how about you. same. see u later.

Viewers like you said, "Contributions to my PBS station."

Financial lecture

Based on a true story. (then again, most of this blog is based on the truth)

A wise man giving a financial lecture says, "what kinds of monthly expenses are there?"

The first person says, "house payments."

The second person says, "car payments."

An observant person says, "High School Musical merchandise."

The two people next to him couldn't stop laughing.

Red Rover

The game where everyone's a winner, or nobody wins because you lost interest before it ended.

Reading causes problems with teenagers

Mr. and Mrs. Jones from Seattle got home from the movies one night to find some very disappointing results. Their oldest son Matthew was sitting on the couch reading a book and he wasn't sure where his younger siblings were.

Mr. Jones said, "We're very disappointed with our son, we expected him to be taking good care of his siblings but instead we found him just sitting on his lazy but reading The Grapes of Wrath."

Mrs. Jones said "I've always been jealous of our neighbors the Johnson's, when their oldest son babysits he turns on the TV and he and his siblings watch reruns of Spongebob for hours and they have a secure feeling of what their young children are doing, I don't think they've ever had to tell their children to stop reading and I wish my children where more like that."

Home is not the only place where reading is causing problems, according to the CDC the percentage of childhood obesity is skyrocketing and kids that stay inside all day just reading for hours is certainly not helping.

Some lightbulb jokes ii

How many Obama Nominees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to have problems in his own state, one to withdraw from consideration because of party differences, four or five to have trouble being confirmed by the senate on behalf of tax problems, a few from the republican party for an honest attempt for bipartisanship, and one with real world experience somebody that would know what it's like to be a lightbulb, and they have to be a team of rivals.

How many annoying songs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4.

How many cheerleaders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

give me an s, give me an e, give me a v, give me an e, give me an n. What does that spell? eight.

How many boring kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Uh, I don't know.

Some political advice

The goats are on the left.

And so are the democrats.

Definition Jokes

Government: The ones that never give up, because they still haven't won the 51 votes they need.

 

Michael Moore: The obese man that thinks it's the government that should take care of your health.

 

Hard work, perseverance, never giving up and a lot of practice: The thing that can make anybody sound like a good singer, oh wait, that's what the studio technicians do.

 

Americans: The things that like root beer.

Swing states: Where the struggling families are.

 

Public School: Where nothing happens in may.

 

Band: an ensemble typically containing a lead singer, guitarist, a bass player, a drummer and sometimes a keyboardist. 

Solo artist: technically they're not very common because they have these things to.

 

Encyclopedia: a source of data where mistakes remain uncorrected.

Bumper Stickers

Honk if...

 Obama has nominated you for commerce secretary.

You were TIME magazine's person of the year in 2006.

you've provided the voice of Arthur Read.

you've played the role of James Bond.

you just read the sparknotes.

you're breaking the speed limit.

you've guest starred on The Simpsons.

your vote for American Idol didn't go through.

you're a Floridian whose vote wasn't counted in 2000.

you're a rude loud driver.