Haiku of jigsaw puzzles

So many pieces
Put it all together and
Some of them are lost

Some lightbulb jokes x

How many Obamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one but he needs a lightbulb certificate.

How many silent people does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many deaf people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What?

How many psychologists/therapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2, and how do you feel about that.

Haiku of Provo

Girls with big blond hair
Lake that nobody visits
Get married quickly

Some lightbulb jokes ix

How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
An infinite number. One to change half of it. Another to change a quarter of it. Another to change and eighth of it. Another to change a sixteenth of it.

How many Mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only 0!

How many physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It should be only one but for some reason it doesn't work.

How many physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It should be only one but we get two because of measurement errors.

Nuck Chorris iv

• Nuck Chorris went to the bathroom, by himself.
• Nuck Chorris died, twice, without coming back to life in between.
• Nuck Chorris is the reason peanut jars are required to say "warning, may contain nuts."
• Likewise for why sleep medication is required to say "may cause drowsiness."
  

Some Notational advice

For any upside-down capital A, there exists a backwards capital E, therefore we do not have three dots pointing up, because we have three dots pointing down.

College Syllabus

Tests: There will be two midterms throughout the term. You will not know what you are being tested on.
TA Reviews: In preparation for every test the TA's will hold a review session. You can get a participation point for going to one of these review sessions but the real reason you want to go is that my lectures aren't very helpful and this is one of those classes where a 90-120 minute review session will teach you more than 3 or 4 weeks of my lectures.
Class schedule: The schedule for homework and homework due dates is below, you'll notice that it's obviously wrong because it's the one for last semester and I always forget to update it.
Gender Discrimination: It seems that every syllabus has to have a description of Title IX so I'll put it here just to be safe. But I think it's a sports thing. Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972...
Department Guest Lecture Series: Every Thursday at 11:00 our department invites a successful person from our field to give a lecture in the Wood Auditorium. The lectures probably won't help you but they're somewhat interesting and I am willing to offer extra credit points for going because I think it would be embarrassing if we invited these people and nobody showed up.

Nuck Chorris iii

• My GPA is higher than Nuck Chorris's I.Q.
• Nuck Chorris has facebook enemies
• Nuck Chorris counted to ten, twice, in English.
• Nuck Chorris doesn't know his left from his write.
• Nuck Chorris says that there are three kinds of people, those he puts into one group, and those he puts into the other.
  

Things the people on 24 never have to deal with

• Snow
• Low Cell phone batteries
• Slow computers
• The possibility of uploading evidence onto youtube
• Low gas
• Food needs
• Bathroom needs
• Cars not starting
  

theearthblog presents: The 2010 earthblogies

theearthblog's lifetime achievement award
This year theearthblog is proud to award its lifetime achievement award to everyone who over the period of a few days somehow managed to eradicate to world of violence against children, famine, war, world hunger, abuse, gender discrimination, and even death for everyone that the BP chairman refered to as "the little people" by changing their profile picture to cartoon characters and bringing back cherished memories of the pokemon craze of 1999-2002.

Award of the Year Award
Runner Up: Nobel Peace Prize

theearthblogpost of the year award
Runner Ups:

• Recent News Headlines
• Nuck Chorris
• Nuck Chorris ii
• BSA announces new Merit Badge
• Some irony ii
  

Non-Presidential Election of the Year Award

• Alaska Senate election Is it cow ski?
  
• Delaware Senate Election I am not witch
  
• Nevada Senate Election Tea Party's fault?
  
• Illinois Senate Election Obama's senate seat, I'm surprised I didn't hear much buzz about it.
  

Job of the year award
Runners Up:

• American Idol Judge
• Chilean miner
• Afghanistan general

Things that took forever in 2010

• Health Care reform
• Oil Spill cleanup
• Three day Wimbledon Match
• Chilean Miners rescue

Winners

• Award of the Year Award: The Oscar for best director
• Non-Presidential Election of the Year Award: Massachusetts special senate election; there both available
• Job of the Year Award: The Host for NBC's The Tonight Show
• theearthblog post of the year award: 100 questions: The 100th post/birthday spectacular!

Stuff that was considered but not put in. In the order that I thought of them.

• Toyota recall
• Refudiate
• Our North Korean allies
• Justin Bieber
• Health Care
• Russian Spy swap
• Oil Spill-We care about the little
• Wikileaks
• Lost finale
• Immigration reform-Brewer goes blank
  
• Haiti Earthquake
• General McCrystal
• Greece Bailout
• Ground Zero Mosque
• Volcanoe
• South Africa horn things
• Rally to restore sanity
• Conan O'Brian
• iPad
• Prop 23
• Burn a Qu'ran day
• TSA
• American Idol judges all quitting
• Big Bleeping deal
• Vatican and Homer Simpson
• Pope's statement on condoms.
• Ruined perfect baseball game
• Double Rainbow
• Rapist video
• Old Spice guy
• China Google
• Pants on the ground