Some Bipartisan advice

In order to help America we must set aside our differences and do things my way.

Some heavenly advice

The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed.

The kingdom of hell like mustard.

Radio Republicans

On tuesday the Congressional Budget Office announced that President Obama has suddenly fixed everything.

Several radio republicans have been critical of his recent actions, "the president told the american people multiple times during the campaign trail that he wouldn't fix everything overnight or even a year, he has broken his promise to the american people."

At the president's upcoming state of the union he is expected to announce new goals for the nation that he does not expect to be met within the year or even his first term. When asked about to give his hopes for the president in less than 400 words Rush Limbaugh said, "I don't need 400 words I need 4; I hope he succeeds!"

Some computer advice

Remember this my son. Once you've started numbering something on a word document; there's no going back.

Some ACT advice

Traditional test taking advice: Study, get rest, bring your, ticket dress comfortably, make sure you know where the test center is, read the directions carefully (even though they never change), read the passages carefully, read the questions carefully.

But most importantly: Make sure you don't fill in the wrong bubble, don't think about the football game, and make sure you won't be dying to use the bathroom.

theearthblog presents: The 2009 earthblogies

Nominations and winners announced in 2010 because it doesn't make sense to announce recognitions, nomination, and winners for a year that isn't over yet.

thearthblog lifetime achievement award

This year's lifetime achievement award goes to everyone named Jonathan Smith or John Smith, but especially to the ones named Jonathan Smith. The first reason for this award is that you were in the post called The Smith Institute and later in another post called Facebook page of someone who needs a job. I (the author of this blog) didn't even realize you were in two posts until after publishing both of them. The Second reason is that according to wikipedia dozens of you have pages for all the good works you have accomplished. The third reason is that there are so many of you that a lot of you probably got your names from witness protection programs; theearthblog would like to thank you for your service to our nation and wish you good luck in hiding from the mafia.

Award of the Year

Runner up: The Oscar for best actor in a supporting role and the Golden Globe for Best Performance by and Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture.

theearthblog post of the year

Runners up:

High School

Some irony

Arizona State

Thing that was around but you never heard of till 2009

The VMA awards and the AMA awards.

Pronunciation you learned in 2009

"Euthanasia" isn't "youth in Asia."

Notable births of 2009

The baby born on the plane to Salt Lake City.

The baby where the donor moms from Ohio got the embryos mixed up.

The octomom babies.

The twin born on Dec 31st, 2009 whose twin was born Jan 1st, 2010.

Job of the Year

Runner up: Commerce Secretary

3rd place: Fake employee

Stupid decision of the year

Runners up:

Advancing Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle to hollywood week as well as voting for him.

An iPod for the Queen and a dvd for the prime minister.

Notable deaths overshadowed by Michael Jackson

Les Paul

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

Robert McNamara

Walter Cronkite

Winners

Award of the Year: The Nobel Peace Prize

theearthblog post of the year: Scarlet Letter Panel

Job of the Year: Death panel bureaucrat

Stupid decision of the year: Facebook changing its format

Two things you should be able to fan on facebook. Maybe you can.

Using hand sanitizer just because you like the way it disappears from your hand

I don't look at the rules on crosswords I just count how long the words are and see way they fit

Sports Award.

At a high school football championship game there was a presentation to honor a few football players who had athletic and academic success. The announcer said that the combined grade point average of the players was 4.0; this could be interpreted to mean that if you add their 7 or 8 GPAs together you get a 4.

Some irony ii

An American Eagle shirt with a tag that says "made in Vietnam."

Many of Shakespeare's plays involve women that have to pretend to be men to find employment because of gender roles and discrimination. Interestingly women weren't allowed to be hired as actors in plays during Shakespeare's time.

In Children's media the man and women will often do something bold and noble because they love each other. However they've often only spent about 4 minutes getting to know each other.

When people sing Rudolph the red nose reindeer they can't remember the names of the reindeer that they claim are well known, and then they ask if you know the most famous reindeer of all as if he's not that famous.