Inspired by something that actually happened to me.

This happened to me like yesterday, the wording has been changed to exagerate my point of view.
Poller: Do you think radical left wing judges like Sotomayor who let their personal biases sway their outcome should be on the court?

Me: Uhhhhh, that's not a fair question.

Poller: You must answer with a yes or a no, this is the sort of question where it would be illogical to give a different answer, if you are incapable of giving a yes or a no this poll will end.

Is this really everyone that's here?

Of course this is everyone that's here, how could this not be everyone that's here.

Two quotes you can't handle

I just can't stand tolerance.

Or

I've been putting up with my intolerance forever.

Pun of the day v

What do you call a girl who Can't decide what lame shoes to wear?

A flip-flopper.

Pun of the day iv

What do very good vacuum cleaners and very bad vacuum cleaners have in common?

They really suck.

Pun of the day iii

I wasn't sure if I was going to need my instrument for this event, but I brought it just in case.

Pun of the day ii

I was once in a hot dog eating contest, I was doing really good, but then I choked.

DMV test

This is a well designed test to see if you're a good driver, none of these questions are confusing and a few are answered correctly to help you.

1. What is the most important thing for getting into the kingdom of heaven.
A. Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked.
B. Loving your neighbor as yourself.
C. Going to church, reading the scriptures, and prayer.
D. Wearing a seat belt.

2. A seat belt does which of the following.
A. Makes the driver more comfortable.
B. Makes the driver more cool and attractive.
C. Gives the driver more control.
D. All of the above.

3. A driver license is what.
A. Evidence of the privilege to drive.
B. Evidence of the right to drive.
C. A certificate of the right to drive.
D. A certificate of the privilege to drive.
E. The right to drive.
F. The privilege to drive.
G. Evidence of the ability to drive.
H. A certificate of the ability to drive.
I. The ability to drive.

4. It is OK to park in a no parking zone.
A. True
B. False

5. What type of license gives you the right to operate a vehicle over 26,000 lbs.
A. D
B. A
C. C
D. B

6. You can take a driving test at any DMV. (this question actually has nothing to do with whether or not you're a good driver but the state requires that we have 250 questions.)
A. True
B. False

7. What is the biggest problem with modern society.
A. Millions of Americans, many of them children, are without health care.
B. People are not wearing seat belts.
C. The Iraq War.
D. The decline of moral values.

8. Why are you taking this test.
A. I failed it by one stupid question the first time. (ha ha)
B. It's the first step in my transition to becoming a responsible adults.

9. What percentages of car crashes are within 25 miles of home.
A 26.2%
B 26.3%
C 26.4%
D 26.5%

10. What is the general attitude of teenagers toward driving. Allstate Insurance advertisments from the back covers of Newsweek magazine were used for this question.
A. It's a ticket to freedom.
B. It's a way to become more responsible.
C. They wish the age was raised to 17 for their own safety.
D. They think it's necessary.

Pun of the day

A group of people are playing a game with shovels to see who can make the biggest whole.

One of these people is really bored, he says, "I'm not really digging this activity."